To my number 2, I do love you
It started at 6:15pm and as I sit here next to your cot, listening to you fight sleep as “shush” you and telling you that everything is going to be ok. Using the phrases they told me at sleep school “You’re tired baby.” “It’s time to lie down.”
I watching you toss and turn trying to find a place that you can calm yourself. I get so hopeful everytime you lie yourself down, thinking this time will be the one, this will be the time you fall asleep. But you just stand up again. I’m trying so hard not to cry along with you. It’s breaking my heart but I know that we both have to learn this process of going to sleep. Otherwise, I fear, I’m never going to sleep again.
I keep thinking, “You’re so tired, just give in and go to sleep.” “I love you, please baby.”
I know we have to do this but it hurts to hear you cry. I know you’re not in pain, it’s your I’m so f**king tired cry. But you refuse to lie down.
Now, that I have moved away from the cot but you can still see me, you are still crying, just slightly calmer, it’s been an hour. It’s time for a break. I feel like we both need this time. We sit we cuddle and have a drink of water.
It’s nice sweet and calm, sitting on the couch with you but after 15/20 minutes, it’s time to go back for round 2 but this time it’s calmer. You lie down, it’s only been 2 minutes and you are already drifting off… Enter your big brother… He runs in and just want to scream!!! I’m thinking why hasn’t your Dad stopped him… But that won’t help. Luckily, he just hops on his bed and you don’t react… Dad pops his head in then goes, then your brother starts jumping around and standing on his head (as he does)… You get up so now I can tell both of you to lie down but your big brother doesn’t listen, thankfully your father comes back and I let you my frustration with an angry “I don’t care what you do, lie down with him or take him out, just do it quick.” He chose to take him but by then the damage had been done and the crying had started again. Luckily this time it doesn’t last long 5 minutes and tonights pain is over… For now…
Tonight length of time 1hour and 10m… 10 mins better than this morning.
You woke up 3 times, such a blur or shushing, patting and crying.
Earlier, I was driving home from a friends house and slowly got more and more anxious knowing that we had to go through this whole process again. By the time we get home I’m shaking and my eyes are starting to swell. All I can do is take deep breaths. I know that this will pass and soon you’ll just start to got to sleep while I’m reading to you or just sitting in the room but we have to go through this stage. Just 3 days I tell myself, I can get through 3 days. That how long the worst of this is supposed to lasts and I know from experience that it true most of the time.
You crawl over to me at 9:45am, and want a snuggle cuddle, this was the sign that I was missing. I thought that this just meant that you wanted a cuddle then would go back to playing or that you just wanted your morning snack or boob or both. I was missing the tired eyes and the sleepiness of the cuddle. Thinking now, I wonder how I missed it.
You snuggle in closer to my neck as I walk down the hall, we both know what’s about to begin. As soon as I lie you down in your cot you begin to cry, but this time you only sit up, you don’t stand straight away. This is a good sign, you’re still crying but your sitting. You begin you phase of tossing and turning, burying you head in your blanket. You stand up, I pop you back down you sit up, I continue to pat the bed. I put my arms in the cot so that I can rest my head on one of them while I pat the bed and run a baby sleep app for the ‘shushing’ sound because I’m getting dizzy from making the sound myself.
25mins and you’re alseep. Only lightly but asleep. I take my chances and leave the room slowly and as quietly as our creaky floors will allow. You grumble but I go and hope you settle yourself. I was hopeful after 5 minutes that it might work but once it got to 10 minutes you let out a Mummy/daddy can’t ignore cry my hubby texts me if I want to swap but I have to tell him that I haven’t headed back in yet.
I’m now back in the room and we start our dance again but this time you stay down and just wiggle a bit and 5mins your asleep again. This time I wait…
Whole process this time for the morning sleep… 45 minutes… Improvement.
I sit by the side of your cot, and you start to do your dance. Up, down, crying but the crying is at lease getting calmer, slightly. I’m to tired of this process that but I just close my eyes and keep patting and shushing. You’re up and down just like last night but now you have a new trick, you sit at the edge of the cot with your legs through the bars and reach out for a cuddle. I couldn’t resist, I just accepted the cuddle, you’re so soft and squishing but after a minute I have to let go and lie you back down. I swear that you are doing yoga in there but it’s not as relaxing as it should be. You’re up in a downwards dog to child’s pose back to downwards dog, then you finally roll over onto your back (savasana) and after another 10mins of whining you finally drift off.
50min and you are asleep…
Woke up 3 times again…
I knew today was gonna be sucky for your sleeps. We were running the gauntlet on if you would sleep or not before your party at 11… And we failed and as so going to pay for it later… But you were so happy on the drive to the play centre, laughing at your brother, so we got lucky.
Once there, everyone could tell you were tired but you didn’t complain once. You were happy with everyone giving you cuddles. It was truly amazing.
After we had finished with our party room, it was 1pm and you still hadn’t slept but as soon as we put you in the pram you were off to sleep in 5 minutes, then slept for an hour or so while we waited for you brother and dad to finish playing. So you at least got nearly 1hrs in the pram.
Well it’s later and we’re paying for it. This process is so stressful but I want to be able to put you to bed and read to you until you fall asleep… Maybe this isn’t the right way. It was showing promise but trying to live life and be consistent with this feels impossible.
You are listening when I tell you to lie down but you’re not happy about it. Still lots for crying out. You poke you chubby little legs through the bars, roll around and do just about anything to fight the sleep you need and want.
You are calmer after about 10 minutes, so I stop patting the bed and just sit quietly where you can see me. I know you aren’t at the stage for me to leave yet but this is so much progress in just a couple of days. You finally after 15 minutes lie down and chill but I’m not gonna leave until I know that you are asleep because if I do leave and you start up again, well I know it’s then gonna be another long time. So, I sit and wait.
Bad night you woke up 2 times but it took an hour each time to get you back to sleep… Wahhh 😦
Day 4, 5 & 6
It’s a blur of shushing, patting, crying and sleeping but each day we are seeing an improvement. Swapping between my husband and myself each night. Waking up less and less through the night.
We had our 1st 8hrs… Ever!
Well you did I still woke up, then couldn’t get back to sleep but you, oh you did great.
You let out a little whimper in your sleep when the dog barked but you popped yourself right back to sleep. I wish I would say the same for your brother, he woke up and did his usual stomp down the hall with his pillow and jumped into our bed.
Morning sleep… Cried in cot for 5 mins then slept for 45mins
Afternoon sleep… You were never gonna make it that easy were you but thank goodness it’s finally starting to get better….
To be continued…. because this isn’t the end…
- Be consistent
- Both parents need to be on the same page
- Not everything will work for all children
- Ask for help, it’s a sign of strength not weakness
- Pat the bed not the child (they wake up once you take your hand on them)
- Choose a tune to help with sleep
- Have a routine prior to bed